glenda’s point of view!!

A year ago was the last time I’ve seen your face. A year ago was the last time I’ve hugged you tight. A year ago was the last time we’ve been together. A year ago was the last time I’ve kissed you. A year ago was the last time I’ve said “I love you”

I’m wearing a pink shirt and you’re wearing a white and black top when we had our last picture taken. We’ve smiled in the picture but somehow our eyes don’t lie. There is sadness, a thought that it will be the last. How I wish I’ve never took that plane, the plane that brought me away from you.

Just minutes before I’ve left. You’ve told me you’re going to wait for me. You’ve told me you’re going to get better. But you didn’t. I’m not angry or disappointed because you didn’t do what you have told me. I was just sad. Sad because I’m not there beside you during your last hours, last minute and last seconds of your life. I was miles and miles away. And I regret that. But I am happy that you’re with tatay and Jesus now. No more pains. Only pure happiness, peace and love with God. And also I want you to know that I miss you so much Mommy, everyday. If I can just see, kiss and hug you for one last time but I know I can’t. Because the last time was last June 13, 2006.

-for a friend "MC"

One day, apart from reality you’ve think of happiness.

In the midst of happiness, there is sadness.

Following sadness, bliss will come along.

Then the cycle will just go around like a wheel.

How does this idealistic wheel tried to manipulate our thoughts.

Why don’t we let the round wheel become square or triangle?

The answer is, a wheel will not move unless its round.

And a round always moves in a routine motion.

Another day, veracity tumbled.

You’ve realized that thinking is for real.

And this real was the reality.

Then the reality will be part of you.

Someday, pleasure will arrive unpredictably.

And pleasure always comes with joy.

But still love is the key for happiness.

Be glad for every emotion you’ve felt.

No dreams, No apprehension, Just messages.

To my dearest Mommy,

This letter was composed of all emotions, things, appreciations that are left unsaid and done. And I am deeply sorry for that. I know that you can’t read this letter anymore but I know that you can hear what my mind and heart want to say.

You’ve with us for the last 22 years of my life and I am thankful to God that you’re my mother. I thank you for being so understanding with us, I thank you for being so caring, and I thank you for all the sacrifices that you’ve made for us. I thank you for trusting me so much. I thank you for letting me spend and cared you during your last days when I go home last May. I love you my mommy.

You’ve never hurt us because you love us so much. You’ve never abandoned us when everyone was because you love us so much. You’ve never forget to think about our needs even though sometimes yours is forgotten by us and it’s because you love us so much. You’ve never leave our side and it’s all because you love us so much.

I am sorry for being stubborn when you’re asking me to do something. I am sorry for not listening when you’re telling me some things. I am sorry when sometimes I raised my voice to you which is completely wrong. I am sorry when I didn’t massage you when you’re tired and having body pains. I am sorry if sometimes I’ve neglected you. I am sorry if spend more time with my friends than spending those times with you. I am sorry if sometimes I took you for granted. I am sorry if didn’t kiss you everyday. I am sorry if I don’t say I love you that often. I am sorry if am shy to express my feelings for you. I am sorry for not being an honor student. I am sorry for not sharing my experiences to you until the last 5 years. I am sorry if will not going to be a doctor. I am sorry if I took some money from your purse. I am sorry for not buying you new clothes. I am sorry if I didn’t fulfill my promise to you that we will go to Manaoag Shrine when you go out from the hospital. I am sorry if you’re in pain when they amputate your leg. I am sorry Mommy, so sorry!

But there is one thing that I am not sorry for is my life right now because everything that happen all throughout my life, all my mistakes, all my achievements, all the disappointments I had, all the things that I’m sorry for, all the things that I’m thankful for, all the love, care and trust that you’ve given me made who I am right now. And its all because of you Mommy. You are a great mother, the best in the world.

Mommy can you please do this one favor for me. That is to guide me still along with our Heavenly Father God with all the paths I’m going to take, with all the decisions I’m going to make and will the goals that I’m trying to achieve because I can’t do it alone.

Here are the 4 word sentences that can summarize everything.

I love you Mommy. I miss you Mommy. I need you Mommy. I admire you Mommy. I trust you Mommy.

I appreciate you Mommy. I am sorry Mommy. And most of all you made me Mommy.

Your daughter,

Glenda

moments in our life are either happy or sad, but sometimes you will actually feel nothing towards something. there are moments that you tend to laugh just for the sake of laughing, you tend to listen just for the sake of listening, you tend to speak just for the sake of being heard and sometimes you tend to cry just for nothing. But why is that? what are the reasons behind those emotions and actuations?  i can’t think of anything..but sometimes i tend to feel those emotions without knowing why… maybe there are times that you feel it too. A blunt affect..

Now i understand what my friend told me about loss..yes, you will focus on something which seems very important right now but worthless before at the same time being more sensitive, mature and altruistic. Life’s really amazing and unpredictable. We just have to keep our faith and pray to our Lord God.

first i don’t how to start this blog, there are lot of thoughts that goes around my mind. i don’t know what to write and what is this all about…then suddenly a feeling inside of me just popped out! i’m confused, scared, ambivalent of what is happening to me now and to the future ahead of me. is this what i want? is this my destiny? or all of this that happened to me was God’s planned? i don’t know..maybe..He has plans for me. but what it is? i can’t think of any answer..still i’m like chandelier still hanging in the middle of a big place! i need clues..i need every piece of this huge puzzle that i’m trying to solve! there are nights that I keep asking myself "am i okei?!" maybe? i’m earning money! yeah right" But not only money will make me fulfilled, there’s still things that i haven’t found. Lot of things.. I keep telling myself that everything’s going to be fine, at the right time and at the right place.

maybe my friend was right that if there are big changes that happened to your life, that even the smallest things that you ignored before now you will going to put extra attention on it, if it is related on the sudden change that you’ve been through or not. Once a dramatic change in your life occurs, you’ll find yourself
changing with it - you’ll care for things you never cared for before, you’ll
also start thinking things that seemed important are not really that
important. But i know that everything that has been lost.. if it is a very important family member, friendship, dreams and aspirations. Somehow, someways, somewhere it will be replace with bigger things, with more important responsibilities and so much fulfillments that will going to change your life big time! "always remember that God has own ways and He love us so much"

there is a thing that i bought from papelmerotti its called " Your Daily  Advice" it was really nice! everyday before i’m gping to work or to start my day i’m going to point my finger on that small paper full of advices and i’m gonna keep that in mind for the rest of the day and at the end i will assess if i fulfilled it or not. we should make everyday counts!!

we can really find the real ones when you are in  trouble, when you are in  crisis, when you are in need and when you’re down…

i’m happy and thankful to God that He gave me, the real ones..my REaL and TrUe Friends..those persons that i don’t really expect to be with me during those times, ARE thEre! and i’m very very thankful to them..:-)

i’m just sad and dissapointed to those two person that i really expect to be with me during those times, BUT they  are not there!! i don’t know if it is wrong to expect from someone??…maybe, its wrong! so you’re not going to be hurt or get dissapointed again if they’re not there.

"i’m just lucky that the ReaL Ones outnumbered those Pseudofriend!!"

and for that, i’m really grateful to all of you guys and I pray to God that He will bless you with more blessing and good health! Thanks Guys!! mwah!

guyz… pray for us!! thomasian nurses to be able to have the 100 % board passing rate!! in less than a month and a half.. we will going to take the boards.. that will be on june 5 & 6..  thomasian we will make it!! just pray and do your part,, which is to study!! God Bless..